The Stupidity Quotient

A better measure of the human condition. (inclusive)

 

There seems to be a disconnect here. The fence is substantial, and nobody would end up in the water unless a) they got thrown in, in which case the thrower would be unlikely to use the life preserver b) a wilful attempt was made to enter the water, in complete disregard for the No Swimming sign, in which case you would think the person could swim and was in no danger. If a passerby used the life preserver to save someone that had broken the bylaw and was swimming, would they be fined $300 for misuse? Maybe better not to get involved, it could cost you! In any case, anyone with intelligence would not be swimming in water this close in proximity to the industrial wasteland of the Detroit skyline, and does not need a No Swimming reminder. All others, jump in and apply for the Darwin award.

posted by: paperboy at 16:28 | link | comments (2) |

A difficult choice! If you had to decide between engaging in sex with wild abandon, or a scoop of Graeter's ice cream, what would it be? That exact question confronted me recently. I was in the Graeter's ice cream shoppe, in Centerville OH, when the girl behind the counter started chatting it up. She was volunteering her services that evening, raising money for her favourite charity, the Heart and Stroke Foundation. There was a jar at the check-out where I could make a contribution, if I so desired. Well, that led to more yada yada yada, she was recently divorced and having trouble making ends meet, and she ends up propositioning me! This vision went through my head ... I accept her offer, things get wild, and at my age I end up being a recipient of the charitable funds in the jar at the checkout, with my name spread all over the local paper. I declined the offer, and when I took the first lick of that raspberry chocolate chip scoop, I knew without a doubt that I had made the right choice. What would you have done?

posted by: paperboy at 20:23 | link | comments (3) |

Is English such a difficult language to understand? Maybe it's me with the problem, because I can't figure out the simplest messages. Here's one I had trouble with. If I wanted to purchase something at this store, I'm not sure what the situation is as far as opening times. Will it be open later, or is it supposed to be open now, like the sign says? Is now really later and I've missed a few hours because I was abducted by aliens? Is now and later really the same thing and this store is actually in a different dimension? Bottom line was, the door was locked when I was there in the early evening, which I interpreted to be 'later', so I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to buy anything there. Oh well, have to look for another store that sells books on the history of Lederhosen.

posted by: paperboy at 13:05 | link | comments (2) |

Here's a sidewalk restaurant billboard I saw this evening. If I assume that "Hole Duck" is the opposite of "Whole Duck", then the advertised meal promises to be rather insubstantial. But, there may be surprise content which will make up for the missing duck, depending on what "stuff" is included. All in all, it didn't sound like a good deal for the price, and I ate at the Italian place next door.

posted by: paperboy at 02:59 | link | comments (4) |

Road warning sign indicating danger due to a unique geological formation.

posted by: paperboy at 21:38 | link | comments (1) |

What do you think is the problem here? a) This guy just doesn't like the rest of the human race b) this guy believes in the power of reinforcement c) this is a CIA training center d) his wife does not want to clean the house in preparation for guests e) he has killed his wife and she's still in the kitchen f) he's had a bad experience with the free gift a previous vacuum cleaner salesman left g) he forgot to shave this morning and he's narcissistic h) he's an optometrist and this is actually an eye test i) he put these up after his wife went to the grocery store j) his wife put these up after he went to work k) they have a very 'social' daughter l) there's a divorce in progress, and his wife took down the 'open house' signs and replaced them with these. m) this is not a driveway, there is no house, and nobody actually lives here. Any other ideas?

posted by: paperboy at 02:23 | link | comments (6) |

This picture was taken during surveillance of a video surveillance system. This activity started after interest developed in finding a pastime that was totally useless. This morning, after 2 hours of surveillance, the property owner engaged me, and indicated that my presence was an even more effective deterrent to crime than his video surveillance system. It seems now that the activity is not useless, and I will continue my search for something better. Any ideas?

posted by: paperboy at 10:39 | link | comments (1) |

The Holy Grail

On the way home from work today, I spotted this artifact. You've probably all had the occasion to eat at a diner that offered a 'bottomless cup' of coffee, only to be disappointed when you found out that they only refill the cup when it's low. Could this be a picture of the real thing? Shortly after the picture was taken, the raccoon's foot disappeared entirely! and I made a hasty retreat.

posted by: paperboy at 01:37 | link | comments (2) |

Averting the fuel crisis

Being the skeptic that I am, I have to make the public aware of several facts which, at first, seem mildly related, but are in reality components of a major plot.

Recently, Cuba offered aid to help with the aftermath of hurricane damage in the US south. What most people are not cognizant of, is that the aid took the form of an offer to provide carburetor adapters to allow American automobiles to burn alcohol, instead of petroleum gas. The offered price of $4.95, if you work it out, pays for itself in a few short weeks, if you consider the price of gas, the price of Cuban rum ($3 a bottle), and the gas consumption rate of the average American SUV. With a return on investment of such a short time, how could any good capitalist not consider the offer? Now everyone knows that communists (commy bastards, or CBs for short), have always made public statements that had some subversive plot behind them. This is the whole justification for the tremendous increase in the CIA budget which started to blossom in the late 50's. In this case, if we take for granted that what the US media has trained us to believe is actually again the situation, what is the basis of the plot? The US trade embargo on Cuba has had some unlikely side effects. The CBs have become very efficient at production of staple products. In particular, rum, and sugar. Ask any official of the US Health Department, and they will tell you that alcohol and sugar are the two biggest components of the North American diet. It's pretty tough to survive on cigars, (although some US presidents have found uses for them that have resulted in autobiographies that have brought in a good retirement income, but that's kind of indirect survival). Anyway, along with the production of sugar and alcohol, there has been a concurrent technological advancement in dentistry and liver transplants. This is not common knowledge, as all critical information about Cuba is suppressed for supposed security reasons. Along with these developments, it has come to my attention that US Senate Committee members have, over the past several decades, given financial support and obtained part ownership in several major Havana hospitals. As well, some US white house officials have major interests in several Cuban hotel chains, through Canadian numbered companies. Now consider this scenario; the CB bastards (I know this is redundant, but the media has trained me well) sell us these carburetor converters, consumption of Cuban rum increases dramatically, and trade with Cuba resumes because of their goodwill in a time of need. Now they start to sell sugar, too. Before you know it, people are going to Cuba for liver transplants and root canals, and staying in fancy Cuban hotels. Who do you think will ultimately benefit from this? Even this morning, I'll bet the CIA is advising President Bush about the impending Cuban threat to national security. It won't be long before troops are pulled out of Iraq and sent to Cuba. Next year, significant acreage will be added to a selected Texas ranch. This plot is so thick that the average American will not be able to understand it, so the CIA's misinformation will not be questioned too seriously. After all, rum can used to make some serious bombs and can be considered a weapon of mass destruction if you stretch the definition. The question is, CB plot, or US Government plot? Make sure you vote in the next election.

 

posted by: paperboy at 11:13 | link | comments (3) |

September 5, 2005

Welcome to my blog!

and welcome to my musings about life, and other inconsequential rantings. I hope my comments lead to dissention and argument, the common route to thought and understanding. Most people don't just stop and think, they have to be prodded into that mode of operation. It's too bad.

A recent experience sums up how I see my life. Driving down a lonely, narrow, winding country road, a scene presents itself. As I crest a rise, black clouds have loosened their belt, and a dark swath of rain streams towards a nearby hilltop. The fury is evident, but obviously short-lived, as in the distance a break in the clouds shows a patch of blue sky and a beam of light. But the light also contrasts the forescape, so that in the moment, the land looks as gray and foreboding as most of the sky, and the hope of better things seems very far away. That's my life ... monochromatic with the occasional patch of color. She knows who she is, that ray of chance illumination, causing me to wish for a different present.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be in lighter spirits.

posted by: paperboy at 13:15 | link | comments (5) |